“I am tired. I am tired. “~Ray LaMontagne (“For the Summer”)

Some days, there is no amount of miles, either on the trails or on River Road to separate me from the negative thoughts that reside in my head or the hurt that holds my heart like a vice. Some days, the music is loud enough to blow out one of my car’s speakers, but it is not loud enough to drown out the negative voices of others. Some days, there is no amount of positive thinking and pep talks to change my forced smile into a genuine one. Some days, I cannot seek out the unconditional love and acceptance that I still long for, as I just wish it were offered freely and unsolicited. Some days, I am weary of saying and doing the “right” things and being the “good” girl, when the “squeaky wheel” continues to receive time, attention, and affection. Some days, I get tired of walking on egg shells and measuring my words when I just want to speak my truth and spill out the contents of my heart. Some days, I am tired of hoping and dreaming, only to have these hopes and dreams go unrealized or to have them turn into nightmares. Some days, I just want to have someone to love who will love me right back, instead of not being enough and not being in the right place at the right time with the right person. Some days, I wish I could take my heart off of my sleeve and protect it in a suit of armor. Some days, I just have to allow myself to fall apart after holding it together on my own. Today is one of those days, for a variety of reasons.

That’s another story . . .

Categories: That's Another Story

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8 replies

  1. Its ok to fall apart for today!


    • Thanks, Jennifer; I know you of all people know that sometimes you have to fall apart, even ever so briefly, to regain your lost footing. XOXO


  2. We can’t get back up if we haven’t fallen. Until then… I’m rooting for you!


    • Colleen, many thanks for taking the time to keep up with my blog! With you cheering for me, I know I will get through this latest hiccup. Love to all of you!


  3. I read an analogy recently about a child seeing a small hole beginning in a cocoon and tried to assist the butterfly escape by tearing it open but the butterfly was not ready and it died. Sometimes we just need that time to sit in a state of metamorphosis and heal before we are ready to break free and fly. I too still need those days to myself for doing nothing or allowing myself days for ‘falling apart’ …… except in reality you are not falling apart …. you are healing. And in your case, despite the pain, you are writing. You are doing so well. You just have to remind yourself of that sometimes. All the best wishes to you in your journey 🙂


    • Thank you for sharing such kind words with me and offering a positive perspective, Elizabeth! I appreciate you reading what I write, and your feedback is valued, as well. Today has not been stellar, but if it’s another part of the healing process, I can endure it. Here’s to better days for all!


  4. I had a “total meltdown” day a week ago…hubby’s response was “You are just gonna have to buck up, you know”…thanks a lot, pal. A shoulder to cry on, even for just a while, can be a wonderful thing.
    Love ya, Kristi. As Elizabeth said, you are doing well! I know your writing is an encouragement to me.


    • Trina, thanks for your ongoing support and for being so understanding. It’s the intangible things like having a should to lean on and cry on that are truly priceless. Love to you!


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