“I am tired. I am tired. “~Ray LaMontagne (“For the Summer”)
Some days, there is no amount of miles, either on the trails or on River Road to separate me from the negative thoughts that reside in my head or the hurt that holds my heart like a vice. Some days, the music is loud enough to blow out one of my car’s speakers, but it is not loud enough to drown out the negative voices of others. Some days, there is no amount of positive thinking and pep talks to change my forced smile into a genuine one. Some days, I cannot seek out the unconditional love and acceptance that I still long for, as I just wish it were offered freely and unsolicited. Some days, I am weary of saying and doing the “right” things and being the “good” girl, when the “squeaky wheel” continues to receive time, attention, and affection. Some days, I get tired of walking on egg shells and measuring my words when I just want to speak my truth and spill out the contents of my heart. Some days, I am tired of hoping and dreaming, only to have these hopes and dreams go unrealized or to have them turn into nightmares. Some days, I just want to have someone to love who will love me right back, instead of not being enough and not being in the right place at the right time with the right person. Some days, I wish I could take my heart off of my sleeve and protect it in a suit of armor. Some days, I just have to allow myself to fall apart after holding it together on my own. Today is one of those days, for a variety of reasons.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story