A year ago today, I was in search of answers, and my quest led me to Beth Ballard, a “messenger”, in Bardstown, Kentucky. I make a reference to this encounter in the post entitled, “Sweetness Follows”, but I have never written about it in any further detail until now. To be honest, I am not even sure what I will end up sharing here, but I feel the need to commemorate this special meeting in some manner tonight, as it has been instrumental in my own journey of healing.
A year ago, I was still very much in the throes of my internal struggles with anxiety and depression that seeped out into every area of my life, and I had yet to string enough ‘good’ days together to constitute a recovery or a remission, yet, I so desperately wanted to believe that I had done just that. I wanted to be ‘normal’, happy, content, calm, peaceful, and every other positive attribute I could think of, yet the struggle persisted, and the holidays only exacerbated the sadness and loneliness. There’s nothing quite like feeling depressed and anxious during what is touted as “the most wonderful time of the year”. It is simply horrible, and for someone like me who is not a fan of the holiday season to begin with, last year was almost unbearable, at times. So, my trip to Bardstown was perfect timing indeed, and it yielded priceless gifts.
My visit with the messenger was a truly one of the most positive, healing experience imaginable, and as I reflect on what Beth shared with me a year later, it still resonates with me and has proven to be true overall. As I listened to the recording of our meeting tonight, I was reminded that there is so much more to life than what is in the physical world and what our limited human minds and senses can fully comprehend and experience. Too often, I fall prey to impatience, negativity, fear, and self-doubt, which do nothing but provide fertile ground for my anxiety and depression to take root and choke my hopes and dreams until they die, taking part of me with them. My pen pal is fond of the quote, “Faith begins where reasoning ends”, and it is a quote that I have come to understand and believe more and more over the past year. It was the meeting with Beth that began to restore my faith in myself, others, and, even, God, and for that, I will be forever grateful. It definitely defies logic and reasoning, yet it is true indeed.
I went into my meeting with Beth with a skeptic’s mind and an open heart, and I came away truly and utterly astounded by the very specific details that she knew and the direct messages she conveyed to me from some of my loved ones who had passed away. I also left with the sense that if I just would get out of my own way and not fear the things I want most, unconditional love and acceptance, that I would figure out that I already have them, deserve them, and will continue to receive them. Much like Dorothy in “The Wizard of Oz”, I have discovered that sometimes, you have to leave “home” to appreciate it fully, that you need friends to accompany you on your travels, that you need to experience the disappointment of being fooled by someone seemingly great and powerful, and that you need the gentle reminder from a good person that you have already everything you need to return to where you long to be and where your heart belongs. So, I carry the lessons I learned and the messages I received a year ago with me, and they are part of the many reasons that I am more at “home” with who I am and where I am than I was one year ago. A lot has transpired in the past year, and the best is yet to come and reveals itself more and more each and every day.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story