I spent the last day of 2012 reflecting on the year that is about to end and planning for the year that is about to begin. This is truly my favorite holiday, as it represents unlimited possibilities and a fresh start, and I am in need of both at the moment. The one thing I did for myself today was a twist on my usual ritual of listing all of my goals and objectives for the new year in minute detail. Normally, I crave structure and order, but in the past two years, since my world has changed significantly because of my divorce and the resurgence of my anxiety and depression, familiar routines no longer fit my restructured life. Instead of providing me with safe guidelines to follow, they have become stifling in many regards. So, out with the old and in with the new.
Tonight, I have been creating a vision board to replace my extensive list of new year’s resolutions. By using words and images, I have created a visual map for myself in 2013, and it is both exciting and somewhat anxiety provoking to see it come into focus. The excitement naturally stems from the belief that everything on my vision board can become a reality, and that very thought makes my heart happy and my baby soul fulfilled. It is a true representation of who I am and what I want, need, and desire to lead a genuine and authentic life, and it resonates with me on every level. The twinges of anxiety come from my fear that either I didn’t do it “right” and that I will be staring at this same vision board on December 31, 2013, and feel disappointed that nothing on it came to fruition. If ever there were a struggle of optimism versus pessimism, it rages on in my mind, and I am continuing to do what I can to make sure that optimism, like true love, wins out in the end. Now that I have my vision in place, I will turn it over, have faith, and take the necessary actions to support my dreams.
Thanksgiving may be the traditional time to give thanks and to express our gratitude to the people who grace our lives, but for me, New Year’s Eve also is a wonderful time to thank people for what they have added to my life and meant to me during the past year. Today, I made an effort to send messages to a number of people who have made 2012 better for me in some way, in addition to wishing them all the best in 2013. Maybe, it is my southern manners getting the best of me, but I believe that saying ‘thank you’ is one of the most gracious things you can do for someone. Every act of kindness should be appreciated, celebrated, and cherished, and everyone deserves to be thanked for acts of kindness, no matter how big or how small. That said, I want to thank each and every one of you who has taken the time to read my blogs, as it humbles me beyond belief to have my voice heard.
In addition to directly thanking the people who have made my life richer and better this year, I also thanked some other people in the silence of my heart, as it was not appropriate to reach out to them directly. These are the people either who are no longer present in my life and the people who I have had difficulties with this past year. I lit some sage to cleanse and bless myself and my home, and I prayed for their forgiveness and for the grace to forgive them and then thanked them for the lessons I learned from them and for letting me be a presence in their respective lives. I also prayed for the strength to let go of those to whom I still cling to emotionally, as tonight leaves me missing some of them terribly. It is my hope that I can continue to focus on the gratitude for having had a relationship with them, rather than the pain of losing them.
Well, that is how 2012 is ending for me here, and I look forward to the people, opportunities, and dreams that will be going with me into 2013. Happy New Year indeed!
Just one thing each day . . .
Categories: Just One Thing Each Day