Normally, on New Year’s Day, I bound out of bed and practically overdose on all of the positive changes I have decided to embrace for the upcoming year. I work out, make healthy meals, perform a myriad of good deeds, and indulge in self-care, to the point that by the end of the day, I collapse and start wondering how in the world I can keep up such a frenetic positive pace for the next 364 days. Usually, within a few days, I veer from my carefully orchestrated list of new year’s resolutions and end up feeling like a failure, and by the end of the month, I already start looking forward to the next year. Today is different from past New Year’s Days, so, perhaps, that bodes well for the upcoming year.
I ended and began the year, not by sharing a kiss with a loved one at midnight, but by taking a solo drive down River Road listening to James Taylor sing “Auld Lang Syne”. As the clock struck midnight, the tears began to silently fall, just as they always do on New Year’s Eve, and I found myself saying out loud to no-one but myself and James Taylor, “Welcome 2013; I am ready for you”, which is probably a sign of insanity to add to the growing list. Last year on New Year’s Eve, I said out loud to no-one but myself and Ryan Seacrest, “I did it; I survived”, as I sat alone in a torrent of tears to mourn the events of, and celebrate the end of, what was arguably the worst year of my life. So, even though I was shedding a blend of happy and sad tears alone again this year, the ending and the beginning were decidedly different.
I awoke this morning not feeling well physically, and since the strongest thing I drank last night was Diet Cherry Coke, I cannot blame this on a hangover. I am not sure what is causing this sickness, but oddly, I am not disappointed that I am not getting off to my usual start to the new year. In fact, it is almost a relief that I am off to a slower than usual start and am spending the day alone. Again, add this to the growing list of evidence that may prove that I am insane. I have spent the day in peace and quiet curled up on the couch in my pajamas, alternating activities, such as reading, watching t.v., answering texts and e-mails, drinking copious amounts of hot green tea, and, now, writing. It is not the way I intended to spend the day, but it is not such a bad day after all.
A little while ago, it occurred to me that this start to a new year is fitting actually, as I feel like the last two years have been a sprint through my life. It reminds me of some of the past half-marathons I have run, as I usually shoot across the starting line and continue at far too fast of a pace to maintain for 13.1 miles, before hitting a physical and mental wall around mile 8. I start stronger than I finish, which is the polar opposite of how a race, either figuratively or literally, should be run. So, I am hoping that a slower start to the new year means that a big finish to the year is in the future. One of the many lessons that I am learning is that while you have to take action to make the most of a new day, a new month, and a new year, you also need to allow both the seen and unseen forces in the world work with you and to give opportunities and relationships a chance to reveal themselves and develop in due time, which may not always be in my time. Lots of clarity today, so, maybe, I should get sick more often!
What could be construed as a bad start to the new year is turning into an unexpected blessing actually, and I am glad that I can accept it as such, instead of throwing in the towel on day one. It is a good reminder that I cannot control every variable in my life, but I can control my reaction to, and the perception of, the variables. I also believe that I am right where I need to be at this moment and that I will get to where I want to be, and I will continue to learn lessons, deal with setbacks, and overcome obstacles along the way. This year really is going to be absolutely amazing, and in some ways, it already is. Happy 2013!
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story