It never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to know something and how challenging it can be to apply that knowledge to your own life. After all of the therapy I have participated in and the myriad of self-help and spiritual books I have eagerly devoured, you would think I would be one of the most enlightened, self-actualized, and Zen-like human beings to ever live. Alas, I remain a perfectly flawed work in progress. While I certainly have learned a great deal, I just now am finally learning how to apply the wisdom that has been graciously shared with me. Making and accepting changes is easier to read about than it is to put into practice sometimes, but I have discovered that it is possible to do both.
Last week, I became aware of a possible change that may take place in the near future, and given my fear of the unknown and difficulty embracing certain changes, I found myself mired in fear, worry, sadness, and grief. All I could think of was how I was not prepared for this possible change, and I questioned what I would do if the change is implemented. For a few days, I was completely overwhelmed and tormented by my swirling thoughts and painful feelings. While I cannot go into the specific details about the possible change at this time, I can share what occurred to me today that was my very own “a-ha moment”. It changed everything, even though the situation itself has not changed one bit.
My mind and heart have been consumed by this particular situation, but I began to notice that over the past few days, the intensity of my feelings regarding the situation has lessened, much like when a hurricane is downgraded to a tropical storm before it dies down completely. My own personal storm came to an end early this morning when something so obvious and simple hit me like a bolt of lightning and illuminated the darkness that has clouded my thoughts.
As I mulled over this situation and explored every conceivable option, I began to notice two things that I no longer could ignore. The first thing that I realized is that some of the options contradicted what my intuition was telling me, and when I kept trying to make those options viable ones, a feeling of dread crept in, as I knew I wasn’t being true to myself. So, I removed those options from consideration, which boosted my spirits and improved my outlook on the situation. It led to the second realization that proved to be the real difference between surviving the possible change and thriving in the face of said change.
As I was lost in both thought and music as I readied myself for work this morning, it suddenly occurred to me that I was trying to make my life fit this situation, instead of seeing if the situation could fit my life. In trying to create the perfect fit, I was compromising my values and ignoring my own goals and dreams, instead of trying to see if I could make the situation fit my life and all that it entails. This has been a familiar pattern throughout my life, as I have tried to make myself fit perfectly in jobs, relationships, groups/clubs, etc. that are not the best fit for me. Too often, I put the wants and needs of another person or an organization ahead of mine, even when my intuition is telling me otherwise, and I end up regretting my decision and second-guessing myself. This time, though, I am heeding the warning signs and changing how I perceive the situation and how I proceed.
I cannot make a definitive decision until I have more information, which will be forthcoming over the next few weeks, so, there is a great deal of uncertainty. To deal with that uncertainty, I am letting go of the outcome and focusing on listening to my intuition, finding the right fit for me, and trusting that I will make the best decision when the time comes. It is freeing to know and accept that I do not have to make myself fit the new situation, and even though I will be disappointed if the situation does not fit my life at the moment, I have hope that I will end up right where I belong.
That’s another story . . .
For more of my musings, please, visit “Just One Thing Each Day” at www.justonethingeachday.wordpress.com .
Categories: That's Another Story