Being Resolute in the Pursuit of Resolutions

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Three months ago, I sat in this same spot on my couch and wrote about the end of the year and the anticipation of the new year to come, and I spent that last night of 2012 dreaming and planning for 2013.  The two words that continually came to mind when thinking of the new year were ‘amazing’ and ‘thriving’, and I devised a number of ways to help those words spring to life.

Today has found me in a reflective mood, and the words ‘amazing’ and ‘thriving’ still apply and have revealed themselves to me, albeit not always in the way that I had envisioned.  As for my goals and dreams, some of them have been reached or are on their way to being realized, while others have been altered or are still a work in progress.  Regardless of where my dreams and goals fall along the continuum of being accomplished, they remain in my loving care and are trusting me as their guardian to help bring them to fruition.  In the quest to be a good steward to my goals and dreams, I continue to be the willing student of what others and the universe have to teach me, while trusting my instincts and following my intuition.

Tomorrow is a new day that begins a new week and a new month, and for reasons I cannot explain, I have had a sense that something amazing awaits me in April.  I don’t know what ‘it’ is, and I almost hesitate to make that feeling public knowledge, for fear that I will appear utterly foolish, if I am wrong.  I also have had this same feeling regarding the month of June, so, while the pessimistic optimist in me thinks that there is two chances that I will be wrong about these feelings, while the optimistic pessimist thinks that I have the chance to be proven right at least once, if not twice.  I may not be able to predict what will happen in April, June, or any other month for that matter, but I have learned some lessons in 2013 already that both increase my chance to succeed and my ability to cope with challenges to my success.

In no particular order, here are some of the lessons, if you will, that I have come to know and accept this year:

  1. I have never regretted doing the right thing.  Sometimes, doing the right thing is the hardest thing, and in the moment, the easy way out can appear very attractive.  That said, I know that when I choose to exercise when I’d rather sleep or set a healthy boundary when I’d rather ignore the issue at hand, I feel better, either immediately or in the long run.
  2. I need to keep my dreams sacred, but that does not mean that I have to keep them a secret.  I have had the desire to be a writer/blogger for a long time, but I never thought to make that dream known to anyone, as it seemed far-fetched.  When I finally began to let others in on my secret desire, I was surprised at the support and help that gave wings to my dreams and that have now set me on the path to making that particular dream a reality.
  3. I can find happiness in any given moment.  Recently, I was putting away a pair of my socks in my drawer, and all of a sudden, I was taken aback by this feeling of pure happiness that surrounded me.  I was smiling to myself for no particular reason at all, and all I could think of was, “I am so happy”.  I was happy, not because of anyone or anything else, but  I was simply happy in that moment.
  4. I really can have a positive perspective about negative events.   This has been a huge shift for me this year, and it is what I am most proud of actually.  During the past few years, I have struggled with a number of challenges and issues, among them divorce, depression, anxiety, and grief & loss, and I have blamed, shamed, doubted, loathed, and berated myself and attached the most negative meaning to each event, which only compounded the problem.  Don’t get me wrong, as the events were horrible indeed, and I had every right to how I felt about each and every one of them.  It took me all of this time to discover, though, that I could honor my feelings and confront the issues without catastrophizing them.  Hindsight being 20/20, I now can look back and recognize that some of those painful losses made way for incredible gains, and as I face another challenge, I am able to look at it through a different lens.  This latest challenge is not the end of the world, and there are opportunities to be found in the midst of it, if only I open my heart and mind to them.
  5. I am meant to thrive, not merely survive.  At times, I felt like some of my challenges in life would kill me or that I would end my own life to end the struggle, but in the end, I survived.  My body, mind, heart, and baby soul cried out for much more, and thus, my desire to thrive was born.  When I am faced with a decision or a choice, I find myself asking, “Will this help me to survive or to thrive?”  If it is merely a matter of survival, I have proven that I can do that, so, these days,  I usually opt to do more, in order to truly thrive.

These first three months of 2013 are a springboard for what is to come, and I am more than ready, willing, and able to take a leap of faith to see what the rest of the year reveals.  It is sure to be amazing!

That’s another story . . .

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