He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Ex-Husband

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It may be Thursday, but this is the blog post that I should have written yesterday.  Had this week resembled anything like a ‘normal’ week, then I would have written and posted my daily blog post on time, but this week continues to be wrought with challenges that leave it looking and feeling anything but ‘normal’.  While this week’s obstacles may have derailed my daily practice of writing about one thing I have done for myself and others, at least it did not derail the daily practices themselves.

On Monday, my ex-husband’s father suffered a massive stroke that left him unconscious and with no brain activity, and he is now near death.  Monday evening, my ex-husband made the nearly 500 mile drive to be with his mom and siblings, as they gather around his dad to share memories, shed tears, and say ‘good-bye’.  Having not lost either of my parents, I cannot imagine what he is experiencing, and as much as I wish that I could, I cannot change the situation at all or erase his pain.  There are some things that I can do, though, so, that’s what I focused on yesterday and will continue to do.

When he called me, I listened as he shared his feelings of sadness and grief, and I offered words of support and comfort.  I am taking care of our daughters and helping them deal with the impending loss of their dear grandfather, and I have made myself available in whatever way needed to help him during this extremely difficult time.  We may be ex-spouses, but more than that, we are the parents of our extraordinary daughters and the very best of friends.  The change in our marital status did not change the fact that we love and care about one another and always will, especially during the most painful of times.

What I did for myself was to let go of my plans and expectations for this week, as clinging to them in the face of the family crisis we all are dealing with, was causing me to feel stressed and anxious.  I had to give myself permission to let go of some household tasks and errands that I had planned, in favor of providing support for my ex-husband and our daughters and to allow myself time to begin the grieving process.  There is some comfort in keeping a regular schedule during times of turmoil, as long as the structure does not become suffocating.  I am being gentle with myself and taking it one day at a time, and that is the best that I can do.

Just one thing each day. . .



Categories: Just One Thing Each Day

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