This is a first for me, as I am combining yesterday’s blog post and today’s blog post into one, and I will apologize in advance for what I fear will be a jumbled amalgamation of words and thoughts. Yesterday, my former father-in-law passed away, following a massive stroke eight days earlier, and my ex-husband, our two little girls, and I are all awash in our respective sorrow. I am exhausted on every level, but life doesn’t stop with the death of a loved one, even if it feels like it comes to a screeching halt.
So, yesterday and today, the best things that I did for myself, for my ex-husband, and for our two daughters was to support and comfort them in their grief and to take care of myself in my own grief. For my ex-husband, there have been numerous phone calls to listen to his outpouring of grief through his words and tears and to offer him words of sympathy and solace and countless texts to check in to see how he is coping and to share the happenings here at home to keep him connected to the ‘normal’ life that has been put on hold and that never really will be ‘normal’ again. My daughters picked out a fruit “bouquet” from Edible Arrangements to send to their grandmother, and tonight, the three of us were touched to receive a phone call from her, which allowed us to share our condolences and happy memories of my father-in-law.
For my daughters, I am doing my very best to help them navigate their first experience with losing a loved one as smoothly as possible and allow them to express their emotions and ask questions. I have gently explained the process of cremation, reassured them that their dad and grandmother will grieve and heal, held them as they cried, comforted them when they missed their dad, and let them see me grieve their grandfather. I am maintaining their regular schedule, while allowing that things are definitely not business as usual.
As for myself, I just am taking it moment by moment. This is not about me, but it has affected me. I am leaning on my family and friends who understand that I, too, am grieving, and I am giving myself permission to both ask for help when needed and to simply shed tears of my own with my girls and in private. I know that there is room for improvement in the self-care department, so, I will continue to work on that along the way. For now, I am doing the best I can.
Just one thing each day . . .
Categories: Just One Thing Each Day