For as far back as memory will take me, I always have been the girl with a big heart and big dreams, but it has only been over the course of the past few years that I have been the girl with a big heart and big dreams who has had the courage to take the necessary steps to making some of these big dreams come true. Some dreams are bigger than others, and some dreams have come to a fruition, while others are a work in progress. No matter what, though, each dream has a special meaning to me, and I am fiercely protective of them, sometimes to the point that I cannot trust them with anyone else and end up sabotaging myself. This is where I am regarding an intensely personal dream.
While I am not at liberty to share the nuances of this particular dream, I can share that some anxiety and fear are jockeying for position next to the faith, hope, and joy, as I take another step toward making this dream a reality. Recently, there have been some unexpected, yet positive, developments regarding this dream, and once my disbelief gave way to gratitude, I felt myself thoroughly enjoying the ongoing process and looking forward to what would come next. Then, it happened. The doubt crept in to taunt me with thoughts of this dream either coming true, only to have it turn into a nightmare, or getting close to having the dream come true, only to have it fall short. Suddenly, my happiness began to erode. What is wrong with me?!
Not one to make excuses, I am going to assign part of the blame to the sinus infection I acquired over the weekend, as it left me feeling fatigued and under the weather, which usually impacts my mood and ability to deal with negative emotions. Thankfully, a slew of medications and more sleep than I have had in the past few days helped me to wake up better prepared to get things squared away in my head today.
I am going to assign the rest of the blame to past painful experiences that have left me weary of exposing my heart and my dreams. There is a delicate balance between learning one’s lesson and not repeating the same mistakes and taking no risks at all to reach my dream, in an attempt to stay safe from further disappointment and pain. There definitely is the fear of the unknown, and all I do know is that I need to keep doing what I am doing regarding having a positive mindset that matches and supports the positive steps that I continue to take. I am not sure how or when this dream will come true. but I have to believe that it will, even if it ends up not resembling the vision I initially had in my head and in my heart.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story