Still Dreaming Big Dreams Inspite of Myself

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For as far back as memory will take me, I always have been the girl with a big heart and big dreams, but it has only been over the course of the past few years that I have been the girl with a big heart and big dreams who has had the courage to take the necessary steps to making some of these big dreams come true.  Some dreams are bigger than others, and some dreams have come to a fruition, while others are a work in progress.  No matter what, though, each dream has a special meaning to me, and I am fiercely protective of them, sometimes to the point that I cannot trust them with anyone else and end up sabotaging myself.  This is where I am regarding an intensely personal dream.

While I am not at liberty to share the nuances of this particular dream, I can share that some anxiety and fear are jockeying for position next to the faith, hope, and joy, as I take another step toward making this dream a reality.  Recently, there have been some unexpected, yet positive, developments regarding this dream, and once my disbelief gave way to gratitude, I felt myself thoroughly enjoying the ongoing process and looking forward to what would come next.  Then, it happened.  The doubt crept in to taunt me with thoughts of this dream either coming true, only to have it turn into a nightmare, or getting close to having the dream come true, only to have it fall short.  Suddenly, my happiness began to erode.  What is wrong with me?!

Not one to make excuses, I am going to assign part of the blame to the sinus infection I acquired over the weekend, as it left me feeling fatigued and under the weather, which usually impacts my mood and ability to deal with negative emotions.  Thankfully, a slew of medications and more sleep than I have had in the past few days helped me to wake up better prepared to get things squared away in my head today.

I am going to assign the rest of the blame to past painful experiences that have left me weary of exposing my heart and my dreams.  There is a delicate balance between learning one’s lesson and not repeating the same mistakes and taking no risks at all to reach my dream, in an attempt to stay safe from further disappointment and pain.  There definitely is the fear of the unknown, and all I do know is that I need to keep doing what I am doing regarding having a positive mindset that matches and supports the positive steps that I continue to take.  I am not sure how or when this dream will come true. but I have to believe that it will, even if it ends up not resembling the vision I initially had in my head and in my heart.

That’s another story . . .

 



Categories: That's Another Story

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8 replies

  1. Keep on believing in yourself…I have also had to come to the realization that our dreams may come true but they may not look like we thought they would, but that it is OK. Not easy…..past experiences have haunted my abilities sometime to trust in my abilities. Take care and yourself. Your blog truly resonates with me almost every day. Bless everything you do…..

    • Sheila, thank you for your ongoing support and wise words, as they made a positive difference on a day of doubt. I am focusing on having my thoughts and actions match one another in a positive manner. Some days are easier than others, and I look forward to being one day closer to dreams coming true.

  2. Keep dreaming. Keep striving. You have come such a long way and I KNOW that you will get there.

  3. To paraphrase S.E.Hinton……..”Stay gold, Kristi Jo, stay gold”. Never stop believing that your dreams will come true. They will…..you’re too smart, funny, witty, warm, compassionate, loving, and deserving for them not to come true. Plus, your cute. 😉

  4. Thanks for taking the time to check out my blog!

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  1. The Power of Dreaming, Planing and Performing. | The Power Within

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