I just forced myself to come back inside my house after enjoying some time sitting alone in my backyard on a peaceful Sunday evening. I was serenaded by a chorus of crickets and the distant hum of highway traffic, and the dark of the night was illuminated by the full moon and a few lights peeking out from the windows of neighboring houses. I was alone with my thoughts and prayers, and I was and am content. It definitely was not a bad way to end the day and greet a new one.
My recent birthday has left me in a reflective mood, and while sometimes moments of reflection signal the return of the anxiety and depression, this is not the case this time. Instead of looking back, I am looking at my life in its present state and looking ahead to where I want to go. While the past certainly informs the present and can impact the future, I am not dwelling on past transgressions or reliving the good and not so good memories. No, tonight, I am right where I need to be, even though I am not necessarily right where I want to be.
Much like New Year’s Day signifies new beginnings and endless opportunities, my birthday represents another chance to make a wish or two and then to plot out a course to make those wishes come true. While I have the typical personal and professional goals that are shared by many other people, such as getting in better shape, I also have dreams and goals that feel sacred to me, as they reflect what my heart, mind, baby soul, and spirit all desire to create the most extraordinary life possible for myself and for my loved ones. I have debated whether or not to share these special wishes publicly, but in the end, I am deferring to the superstition that sharing the wishes you make when you blow out the birthday candles on your cake renders them null and void. These mean too much to me to risk doing anything to prevent them from becoming a reality. My hope is that as they come to life, it will be apparent what I wished for on my birthday.
That said, part of what has been going through my mind these past few days is that I need to decide which dreams to pursue and which dreams to let go. Some dreams are vivid, while others are not quite in focus. On one hand, I tend to be impatient, so, I worry about giving up on certain dreams too soon, but on the other hand, I am a dreamer at heart who doesn’t always see or accept reality, even when it is staring me in the face. So, I am at a crossroads of sorts, and I am praying for discernment about which dreams to follow. I have more questions than answers, but I have come to realize that this state is part of the ongoing journey that is called life.
I am looking forward to what this next year will bring, and I wonder where I will be a year from now when I find myself in the midst of more birthday reflections. I do not know the answers to these questions, but I have faith that I will find my way to where I need and want to be. I will continue to dream new dreams and to do whatever I can to make both old and new dreams come true, and I will bid farewell to the dreams that are meant to remain only dreams or that have become nightmares.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story