On August 21, 1993, my best friend and I got married, and on October 31, 2011, my best friend and I got divorced. On what would have been our 20th wedding anniversary, I find myself looking back not, with regret, but with much gratitude. That may seem odd to some people, but anyone who knows my ex-husband (I still want to come up with a better term than this one) and me knows that our relationship as ex-spouses is healthier and happier than some relationships that spouses have with one another. Sadly, we are the exception, not the rule, when it comes to divorce.
When I recited my wedding vow, I absolutely meant them and never thought I would ever get divorced. Obviously, things changed during the eighteen years and two months that we were married, and while the announcement of our divorce caught most of our family and friends by surprise, it was a decision that was five to six years in the making. We did not enter marriage lightly, and we did not exit it lightly, either. When we made the decision that was best for our daughters and one another, we did so with mutual respect, care, concern, and love. So, I bristle when someone refers to our “failed” marriage, as our marriage resulted in two extraordinary daughters and two best friends who honored the vows to love each other for richer or poorer, in good times and in bad, and in sickness and in health until death do us part. We do love each other; we just do not love each other as spouses do. So, over the years, our marital status may have changed from single to married to divorced, but the underlying love is still there, even if it doesn’t look the same as it once did.
Our children are not from a “broken” home, as they have two happy, loving, supportive, and stable homes. Last year, our oldest daughter even remarked that she and her younger sister are “lucky, because we have two dream homes”. We are a family of four, even if we do not live under one roof. Divorce may not be ideal, but we have worked hard, and continue to do so, to make it as ideal as it possibly can be for our family.
I do not regret being married, nor do I regret being divorced. So, on this 20th non-anniversary, I took a brief stroll down memory lane and now am ready to return to the business of navigating the twists and turns of a life that I still am growing into and looking forward to even better days ahead.
That’s another story . .
Categories: That's Another Story