On August 21, 1993, my best friend and I got married, and on October 31, 2011, my best friend and I got divorced. On what would have been our 20th wedding anniversary, I find myself looking back not, with regret, but with much gratitude. That may seem odd to some people, but anyone who knows my ex-husband (I still want to come up with a better term than this one) and me knows that our relationship as ex-spouses is healthier and happier than some relationships that spouses have with one another. Sadly, we are the exception, not the rule, when it comes to divorce.
When I recited my wedding vow, I absolutely meant them and never thought I would ever get divorced. Obviously, things changed during the eighteen years and two months that we were married, and while the announcement of our divorce caught most of our family and friends by surprise, it was a decision that was five to six years in the making. We did not enter marriage lightly, and we did not exit it lightly, either. When we made the decision that was best for our daughters and one another, we did so with mutual respect, care, concern, and love. So, I bristle when someone refers to our “failed” marriage, as our marriage resulted in two extraordinary daughters and two best friends who honored the vows to love each other for richer or poorer, in good times and in bad, and in sickness and in health until death do us part. We do love each other; we just do not love each other as spouses do. So, over the years, our marital status may have changed from single to married to divorced, but the underlying love is still there, even if it doesn’t look the same as it once did.
Our children are not from a “broken” home, as they have two happy, loving, supportive, and stable homes. Last year, our oldest daughter even remarked that she and her younger sister are “lucky, because we have two dream homes”. We are a family of four, even if we do not live under one roof. Divorce may not be ideal, but we have worked hard, and continue to do so, to make it as ideal as it possibly can be for our family.
I do not regret being married, nor do I regret being divorced. So, on this 20th non-anniversary, I took a brief stroll down memory lane and now am ready to return to the business of navigating the twists and turns of a life that I still am growing into and looking forward to even better days ahead.
That’s another story . .
Categories: That's Another Story
That's Another Story 
Beautifully written. My daughter is marrying her best friend on Saturday. As the day approaches I have struggled wiith her response to our divorce 7 years ago. Your sharing of your thoughts is helping me share mine with her. Thank you so much!
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Todd, thank you so much, as I appreciate your kind words and knowing that this helped you a bit. I wish your daughter and her best friend a lifetime of love and joy, and I hope that the pain of the divorce is healed.
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Happy Anniversary, And I completely understand. I am happy you have the relationship you do with what shall we call him…..how about Mr. X? It is so wonderful for the children. I see so many people end up hating one another or treating one another poorly and it makes me sad. Cheers to making the best out of whatever is thrown your way! ❤
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Thank you so much! I am grateful beyond measure that we have a great relationship for all four of us. He is truly a great guy!
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I so admire you. It is almost as if you both decided that divorce was the best option for your marriage, in that the companionship and care side of the marriage still continues.
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Elizabeth, thanks for sharing this, as ” It is almost as if you both decided that divorce was the best option for your marriage, in that the companionship and care side of the marriage still continues” resonates with me. That is precisely how I view our divorce.
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I am so happy for you.
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Heartfelt thanks, and many happy returns to you, Elizabeth!
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omg! I just celebrated my 15th anniversary Sept 12 andwas a great day. I always am insecure as to why my wife stays with me. I dwell on my being poor and judge myself on my tax return. I am very greatful to have her. It’s awesome what was beautiful for you did not turn ugly. You are great, I love your stories
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A very happy belated anniversary to you and your wife, Ed! Never sell yourself short, as 15 years of marriage takes a lot of love, faith, and trust, none of which can be found or measured on one’s tax return. I am sure she is grateful to have you, as well. Many thanks for your kind words and for your interest in my blog!
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