For the past few days, my writing has taken a backseat to my need to focus on my own physical and emotional healing. I recently underwent minor outpatient surgery on both of my legs to alleviate some problems and to provide relief from discomfort. At the same time, my mind and heart continue to undergo a different kind of surgery with the removal of unrealistic goals/dreams to improve my mental and emotional well-being and to alleviate pain. Hands down, it is far easier and faster to recover physically than it is to recover emotionally. That said, both physical and emotional wounds leave scars.
On this first morning of September, I find myself looking forward to the new day and new month that greet me with sunshine streaming through rain-soaked tree leaves and branches outside of my living room window. When I came to the realization that some dreams appeared to be out of reach, I decided that I needed to make a shift from being a dreamer to someone who is more grounded in practicality and reality. So for the past six weeks or so, that’s what I have attempted to do, and I have failed miserably.
Try as I might, I cannot always reconcile what my head thinks is true with what my heart believes to be real, as they are not always one in the same. So, what is a dreamer-wanna-be-realist to do? I don’t have a definitive answer yet, but I have the scars of my heart to remind me that sometimes there is great pain associated with pursuing big dreams that coincide with the scars of my mind that result from the damage that negative thoughts and critical self-talk leave behind in their wake. I have come to the realization that instead of choosing one or the other, I need to help the goals/dreams of my head and those of my heart co-exist to help guide me, not to hurt me or to lure me away from who I truly am and those dreams which are worthy of pursuit.
So, I feel like this month is one of opportunity to come from the uncertainty I am experiencing in a number of areas of my life, and I am choosing to focus on the opportunity, rather than the uncertainty. I am welcoming September and all it brings, and I am holding on to the hope that one month from today, I will find myself closer to the dreams/goals that remain in both my mind and my heart and that I will have been brave and trusting enough to either allow old dreams to resurface or created new dreams to follow. No matter what, I will continue to be who I am meant to be and end up where I am meant to be.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story