I Had a Bad Day, That’s It

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Thankfully, today seems to be a good day, but the same could not be said for yesterday.  It was a bad day, or rather it was a bad day that ended on a better note than it began.  It was one of those days when I woke up and was able to shake the sleep from my eyes, but I could not shake the anxious and depressed feelings that swirled around me like a tornado.  I am not quite sure where these feelings came from, but I was quite sure of how they made me feel, immensely alone and out of control.

As I made my way through the day, these negative feelings multiplied, and I could not contain them.  I kept thinking of what my dear friend and mentor, Trude, says to me, and that is, “All is well”, even when I do not feel well.  Yesterday, though, I simply did not believe that all was well, and I gave in to the panic that ensues when anxiety and depression creep back into my world and make themselves at home in my mind.  My negative thoughts morphed into “facts”, and I lost all perspective.  My bad day quickly became my bad life.

I could not get out of my head, and the negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs felt like quicksand, pulling me under and suffocating my hopes, dreams, and goals.  My light was waning.  So, what’s a girl wallowing in self-pity and negativity to do?!  I sought out my go to person and special friend, who patiently listened and offered sage advice, and I took time to quiet myself under a full moon last night to regroup.  During that time of reflection, I came to a number of random conclusions:

  • While I have struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, my bad days are the exception, not the rule, and a bad day does not mean that I am doomed to being cast back into the darkness that snuffed out my light.  Everyone has bad days, and I am not immune to them.  They are part of the ebb and flow of life, not a tsunami that will destroy me.
  • Just because I cast myself in a less than positive light on such days does not mean that the rest of the world sees me the same way or that the people I love and care about the most share these negative perceptions of me and will abandon me.  I need to trust that they will be there for me, for better or worse, and if they choose not to be, then they are not the people I need in my life any way.
  • Showing my vulnerability is a sign of strength, not weakness, as it takes greater courage to let others see me for who I am, rather than hide behind a smile that belies the internal pain I harbor sometimes.
  • Even when I don’t employ them, I have all of the coping abilities I need to survive and thrive, and I am enough, as is, flaws and all.
  • Change and uncertainty always will be a part of my life, and my perception of them determines whether they will be motivators and teachers or whether they will be my undoing.
  • I need to trust myself, others, and life in general, and I need to remember something else that Trude has shared with me, “Chaos precedes great change”, and believe that the changes will be for my greater good.

As I shared my thoughts and feelings with my special friend late into the night and the wee hours of the morning, he summed it up by simply, yet brilliantly, saying, “You had a bad day, that’s it.”  I had a bad day indeed, but that was yesterday.  Today is a good day.

That’s another story . . .

 



Categories: That's Another Story

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17 replies

  1. Reblogged this on Jennville, USA and commented:
    Must share since I can relate to this post . We all have these moments and it seems like yesterday there were many of us with them. Here’s to a better day today!

    • Yes, one of my good friends who is mostly upbeat had a bad day yesterday, too. As far as waking up, that was problem yesterday — I could have slept all day! 🙂 Glad you are feeling better today.

      • Many thanks, Lisa, and I hope that you and your good friend have had a terrific Thursday! It sounds like yesterday was rough for a lot of people, and while I wish it hadn’t been such a bad day, I take heart in knowing that I was in stellar company.

  2. Jennifer, it never ceases to amaze me when someone reads what I write and can relate to it, so, a huge ‘THANK YOU’ for reading and sharing this. I greatly appreciate it, and I am so glad that it resonated with you. It’s a good day here, and I hope it is for you as well.

  3. I can also relate. Almost made me cry to think you felt as I did on Monday. Wow, is it the weather, season, hormones? I woke up from an afternoon nap with feelings of dread, anxiety and loneliness. I had thoughts of, what am I here for, why live, why do any of us continue, it’s all a game. I have My Michael here and I told him and he made me get up and take a walk. We talked and he made me laugh. I then thought, God made us in his image and he must have a sense of humor. I’ve gone through these days alone, in my past married life, and they sucked. I am going to reblog and print this out for the next time. Happy to say I don’t have them very often anymore. Thank you Kristi! You are not alone!!

  4. Reblogged this on getoutamyhead and commented:
    I had a bad day (afternoon) on Monday. I can relate. Can you?

  5. I cannot thank you enough for choosing to read this and reblog it, and while I am so sorry that you, too, had a bad day, I so appreciate your candor in sharing it. It definitely helps to know that I am not alone, and I have to believe that God must have an amazing sense of humor, as well. It’s a quiet, rainy day here, but it is a good day indeed.

  6. You are such a good writer. I am always so impressed with how well you express yourself. I understand how these bad days can happen and can relate. I think you did a good job with coping and taking care of yourself.

  7. Thank you again for such a personal and profound of how depression and anxiety can envelope you if you allow it to. I do understand…..so glad that you had a better day!!

  8. I love the quote that you chose ad it is SO true that we do get through those bleak days no matter how black they seem at the time. I have watched you blossom and grow over the past twelve months and I know that you handle these days with much more resilience and tenacity than before. You are doing so well. I am proud of you. Keep on keeping on. You are an inspiration to us all.

    • Elizabeth, you have no idea how much it means to me that you have born witness to the changes and progress I have made in the 15 months. I am inspired by strong people like you, and I take comfort in your kind words and find hope in your shining example. It is so nice to have a bad day, as opposed to a bad week, month, or year. Better and brighter days have arrived for both of us!

  9. I relate to this more than you know. Thanks for the uplifting perspective.

    • Norma, I am happy and sad that this resonated with you, as I would not want anyone to experience any of the pain that I have experienced, but there is comfort in knowing that everyone has a bad day and gone through similar struggles. I hope that you have far more good days than bad!

  10. Thank you for writing this. I need to bookmark to read it on a “bad” day – I know it will help me!

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