I Didn’t Feel Like Doing It, but I Did It Anyway. . .

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There are days when I feel empowered and days when I give my power away when I allow another person’s words, actions, and/or judgments to trigger my anxiety and depression.  The chill in the air and the rain falling from the dark clouds seem to have ushered in the latter, and it definitely was not a day when I felt capable of doing anything positive for myself or for anyone else.  Honestly, I did not want to do anything other than to be alone with the negative thoughts and feelings that weighed heavily on my mind and heart and cry, but with my two daughters in my care, that was not a viable option today.  Truth be told, it isn’t the best option any day, as it rarely makes the situation better, due to my uncanny ability to transform a negative thought or feeling into an anxiety attack or bout of depression almost instantaneously.  So, I decided that even though I did not feel like I could do anything positive today that I would do it  anyway:

  • I didn’t feel like doing my planned hour-long interval workout, but I did it anyway.  Physical activity is one of the best ways that I manage my anxiety and depression, as it provides a physical, mental, emotional, and, sometimes, spiritual relief.  When I was working out this morning, I was able to quiet the chatter in my mind for a little while and felt strong physically.
  • I didn’t feel like making healthy food and drink choices, but I did it anyway.  Eating foods that nourish me feels much more comforting than “comfort food”, and it also felt good to take another step toward reaching my fitness and weight goals.
  • I didn’t feel like being present for my daughters, but I did it anyway.  Today was a day when I just wanted to run away, or at the very least, isolate myself, but I simply could not let my daughters down.  I have been honest with them, in an age appropriate way, about my anxiety and depression, but I also am very aware not to make my issues their issues.  So, I gave them all I could today by being present when I took my younger daughter to the bookstore and shared a cup of tea and a nice chat with her; watched my older daughter practice tennis; participated in their magic show in our home; shared a home-cooked dinner and a lively conversation with both of my daughters; and cleaned and decorated our home for Halloween with them.
  • I didn’t feel like writing a letter on behalf of my special friend, but I did it anyway.  There are very few tangible things that I can do to support my special friend with a particular challenge that he continues to face, but if there is one thing that I can do,it is to write a letter to lend my voice to a cause that hopefully will bring about much-needed changes, which, in turn, would benefit him directly.
  • I didn’t feel like making contributions to two local charities, but I did it anyway.  When I am in a funk, it feels overwhelming to do the simplest of tasks, like write a check, but these two charities are important to me and need as much financial support as they can get, so, I made the contributions.  It felt good to know that my donations would be put to great use.

As the day draws to a close, I continue to deal with feeling like I am not quite enough at this moment, but I do find some solace knowing that I did enough today, especially when I sure didn’t feel like doing much at all.

Just one thing each day . . .

 

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Categories: Just One Thing Each Day

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7 replies

  1. I felt like you did today as well Kristi Jo…but I took my dog Lady for two long walks, got some cleaning done, colored my hair (3/4 natural LOL) and got my clothes ready for tomorrow. I also finished some new job paperwork and put out a couple of autumn touches in the apartment. I understand how days like this can drag you into the depression and anxiety because I have been there many times. Thank you for inspiring me every day to feel like I am enough or at least accept that I did my best that day.

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  2. Some days and they come and go over the course of years, we just gotta “act as if” and then…..a new day dawns. We are always enough…Always. All ways.

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  3. Interestingly enough I had a bad day yesterday myself and I did what you said you wanted to do and didn’t (ie I sat down and cried). I had not done that for a long long time. Then after a while i got up and felt better for having cried. Mostly I fight away the negativity and this time I gave into it and then it melted off. Strange.

    Anyway, I am glad for you that you fought it off and kept it all away. You are an inspiration.

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  4. You are a true Boss. And you are enough. You are more than enough and an inspiration! 🙂

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