Today, an invisible war raged inside my head and my heart, as anxiety, insecurity, and doubt were like snipers picking off my positive thoughts and beliefs one by one until I was left feeling completely exposed, vulnerable, and defeated. What caused this latest uprising? It wasn’t what triggered this latest bout, but rather it was who triggered it. I am the one who caused it, and sometimes, there is nothing worse than having no-one to blame but yourself. For when you are the one at fault, it becomes your sole responsibility to resolve the situation.
I allowed a comment to shake my belief in myself and in someone else. Actually, it was not merely one comment that triggered the avalanche of negativity, but it was one comment that revealed unresolved trust issues and ongoing self-worth issues. While some comments and actions are absolutely inappropriate and sometimes downright reprehensible, the bottom line is that I am the only one responsible for, and capable of, dealing with all of the thoughts and emotions that feel like that will consume me. In some ways, that very knowledge can be empowering, and in other ways, it can be anxiety provoking. For the better part of the day, the anxiety prevailed, but in the end, it only won the battle, but not the war.
When I started to peel back the layers to expose the root cause of the problem, I discovered the familiar fears, doubts, and insecurities, that no longer haunt me like they once did, but that occasionally pop up like a bad dream does from time to time. Just like a nightmare, these feelings were scary, seemingly real, and unnerving, but like a bad dream, they are temporary, and I eventually “woke up” from them. I am slowly “waking up”, and as I wipe the “sleep” from my eyes, the world is coming back into focus.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story