The Silent Treatment


It is said that silence is golden, but for me, it can be deafening.  The sound of silence is the loudest when it comes in the form of someone close to me who abruptly stops communicating with me, and recently, that sound has been so loud that it is all I have been able to hear.  When the silence greeted me again today, it began to be replaced by the chorus of negative voices that were more than ready to rush in to fill the void.  When I recognized that these voices were accompanied by feelings of anxiety and negativity, I made the decision to do just one positive thing for myself and for this person.  It may have only have been one thing, but that one thing made a difference.

Too often, when I feel anxiety and negativity waiting in the recesses of my mind waiting to strike like a thief in the night, I give in to the painful feelings and am swallowed whole by them.  It is only after all is said and done that I re-emerge and vow to handle things better the next time my anxiety is triggered, yet that next time never seems to come.  Today, though, it did.

I decided to make an intentional effort to make positive decisions and think positive thoughts today, while also honoring the less than positive feelings.  The anxiety stems from my lingering insecurity of not being good enough and being “replaced”, as I have lost a number of close relationships since my world imploded 2 1/2 years ago, including the relationship with this particular person for a brief period last year.  I acknowledged that there was a basis for how I felt, but I also decided not to allow history to rob me of my present or the future.  So far today, I have employed a number of positive actions to support my decision to be happy:

  • Had a good cry, dried my eyes, and then smiled.
  • Downloaded Gabrielle Bernstein’s audiobook, “Spirit Junkie”, for a boost while doing yard work.
  • Enjoyed a day working in the yard that left me feeling a wonderful sense of accomplishment.
  • Ate delicious homemade creamy vegetable soup that warmed me from the inside out on a dreary day.
  • Reminded myself of the faith I claim to have and that all is well.

The positive thing I did for this person is that I did nothing.  As much as I wanted to reach out to this person, I did not contact him at all.  I simply kept him in my heart, thoughts, and prayers, and I hope that he finds a resolution to all of the things that trouble him at the moment.  It hurts to not be his ‘go to’ person at the moment, but it would hurt both of us more if I did not respect his need for space.

I now look forward to a quiet night at home and embracing the silence.

Just one thing each day . . .

Categories: Just One Thing Each Day

Tags: , , , , , ,

8 replies

  1. Good for you, Kristi! Way to tackle “the next time”. Have a great weekend!

  2. I have a coworker who has been giving me the silent treatment for several months now…I put a birthday card on her desk recently, and still no change. I’m leaving for another job in a couple of weeks…it will be interesting to see if she says anything. It’s sad, but I too am giving her her space…

    • Trina, I am so sorry that you are have been at the receiving end of the silent treatment, and I know firsthand how painful that can be. I hope that before you leave your current job that your co-worker comes around, but if not, I hope that you find peace in knowing that you are such a dear, sweet soul. It is her loss indeed, and I am glad to call you my friend.

  3. I feel your pain and share the fear that if you let go, they won’t come back. It’s hard but you are doing the right thing. Acknowledging that it makes you feel sad, that you have a right to feel hurt by their silence but trusting that letting go is the right thing to do. It takes so much guts to do that. I’ve failed to do that for a long time but am coming to the conclusion that next time, for me, I have no choice, if not for my friend, then for me. I’ve written a poem for my blog about it which I’ll be posting in a few weeks time. I’d love you to pop by and share it with me. Hugs.

    • Thank you so much for empathizing with me, as your words really help at this moment. I know that his silence is not because of me and that giving him this space is a gift, and I am recognizing that doing what is best for him still is painful for me. I am looking forward to reading your poem, and I so appreciate your kindness.

  4. I do hope it works oout with you soon, as it can be so stressful with being met with silence.

    • I appreciate that, and I hope so, as well. I was reassured via e-mail that the silence has nothing to do with me, which I do know and believe, but that was the extent of the communication. I definitely want to respect his need for space, but I selfishly miss our daily contact. He truly is my best friend.

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