It is said that silence is golden, but for me, it can be deafening. The sound of silence is the loudest when it comes in the form of someone close to me who abruptly stops communicating with me, and recently, that sound has been so loud that it is all I have been able to hear. When the silence greeted me again today, it began to be replaced by the chorus of negative voices that were more than ready to rush in to fill the void. When I recognized that these voices were accompanied by feelings of anxiety and negativity, I made the decision to do just one positive thing for myself and for this person. It may have only have been one thing, but that one thing made a difference.
Too often, when I feel anxiety and negativity waiting in the recesses of my mind waiting to strike like a thief in the night, I give in to the painful feelings and am swallowed whole by them. It is only after all is said and done that I re-emerge and vow to handle things better the next time my anxiety is triggered, yet that next time never seems to come. Today, though, it did.
I decided to make an intentional effort to make positive decisions and think positive thoughts today, while also honoring the less than positive feelings. The anxiety stems from my lingering insecurity of not being good enough and being “replaced”, as I have lost a number of close relationships since my world imploded 2 1/2 years ago, including the relationship with this particular person for a brief period last year. I acknowledged that there was a basis for how I felt, but I also decided not to allow history to rob me of my present or the future. So far today, I have employed a number of positive actions to support my decision to be happy:
- Had a good cry, dried my eyes, and then smiled.
- Downloaded Gabrielle Bernstein’s audiobook, “Spirit Junkie”, for a boost while doing yard work.
- Enjoyed a day working in the yard that left me feeling a wonderful sense of accomplishment.
- Ate delicious homemade creamy vegetable soup that warmed me from the inside out on a dreary day.
- Reminded myself of the faith I claim to have and that all is well.
The positive thing I did for this person is that I did nothing. As much as I wanted to reach out to this person, I did not contact him at all. I simply kept him in my heart, thoughts, and prayers, and I hope that he finds a resolution to all of the things that trouble him at the moment. It hurts to not be his ‘go to’ person at the moment, but it would hurt both of us more if I did not respect his need for space.
I now look forward to a quiet night at home and embracing the silence.
Just one thing each day . . .
Categories: Just One Thing Each Day