Closing the Revolving Door

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One of my greatest gifts is my ability to love and accept most people unconditionally, perhaps because it is what I have sought from others for as long as I can remember.  This great gift of mine, though, is also my greatest weakness, as I too often give people who repeatedly hurt me easy access to my heart and mind.  I have done this time and time again, each time hoping, praying, and wishing that something, anything, would be different.  Of course, it never is, and I pay a high price for believing the lies of another and the ones I tell myself, all in the name of love and friendship.  It is neither, though; it is the antithesis of both.

I have had the opportunity to learn this lesson yet one more time, thanks to a significant relationship in my life, and this morning, I find myself dealing with the aftermath of ending that relationship once and for all.  This person has entered and exited my life at will for a long time, for I have allowed that revolving door to remain firmly in place, hoping that one day it would remain open and that all that I offered to this person would be reciprocated.  That didn’t happen.  That won’t happen.  Ever.  So, I closed the door.

It was the right thing to do, but this is one of those times when doing the right thing hurts immensely.  I have known for a very long time who this person is and what this person is capable of, but I chose not to believe what I saw, heard, and felt.  I now believe my own eyes, ears, and intuition, and I am reconfiguring the spaces in my head and my heart where this person has resided.  This is easier said than done, but it simply must be done.  My health and well-being, my very life actually, depend on it.

As I was looking for the above quote by Maya Angelou, I stumbled across a number of quotes that I found so fitting for my life at the moment.  They are like instructions for how to take the next steps toward opening a new door, while keeping my back to the newly closed one.

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Knowing and doing can be two different things, and I need to make them work together.  I do know better, and now, I can and will do better.  One step at a time.  One day at a time.

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It is good to have options in life, but you need to make yourself a priority in your own life.  I may still love this person, but I love myself more and need to put myself first, rather than settling for being last.

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I have become a living definition of insanity by doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  Today, I reclaim my sanity and a new way of living and being.

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I am big-hearted, and while I definitely am protecting my big heart and allowing it to heal, someday, I will be brave enough to love someone.  With any luck, I will be loved right back.

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I hope that I always make people feel loved, accepted, respected, and valued, and I will seek out people who make me feel the same way in return.

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This is my mission, and I will do whatever it takes to accomplish it.  I’ve got this!

That’s another story . . .



Categories: That's Another Story

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13 replies

  1. Such a difficult choice to make, I understand, sometimes people just need to be in our hearts and not in our lives, I have had to close that revolving door several times, no fun, no fun at all. And yes, you’ve got this and I sure have missed you my friend! 🙂

    • So good to both see another wonderful post by you and to read your sweet words! I have missed you, too, my friend, and I always appreciate knowing that I am not alone in the challenges that I face.

      This was such a heart-wrenching decision to make, but since nothing is going to change, leaving that revolving door open would only continue to cause me great harm. To be true to myself, I had to stop lying about the situation, and to hang on, I had to let go. Time to be the Boss in my own life:)

      • Awe thank you, you are definitely not alone in this! I admire your strength in both recognizing things will not change and being true to yourself, it’s so difficult to do both sometimes! You’ve got this and by closing that door you are allowing a door to be reserved for a person truly deserving of you and all that you bring to the table. Onward and upward Boss, thus far 2014 feels like a year of personal growth and opportunities that wouldn’t be there without personal growth if that makes sense. 🙂

      • Heartfelt thanks for ending this long day on such a positive note! Through all of the tears and the heartache, I took solace in knowing that every heartache makes me stronger, and I have to trust that there is a better door ahead for me to open and to walk though with someone who loves me right back. Personal growth is what it is all about, Boss, and we will continue to learn and to grow. We were meant to thrive, and so, we shall!

  2. Kristi after you replied to my post on FB, I had to read your blog. I’m sorry for whatever pain it is that you are going through. Pain is always a very lonely and isolating place to be. I’m sending you many prayers and positive thoughts.

    • Susan, you are so very kind to reach out to me during the midst of your own challenge, and I appreciate it more than you know. The prayers and positive thoughts are gratefully accepted, and please, know that I am sending some your way to get you over this obstacle. We’ll get through our respective challenges, and we will be better for it!

  3. I feel for you and you are making the right decision being true to yourself. Anything else is a compromise to your own soul. I have recently made the choice not to be ‘friends’ with my ex-husband as going forward in my life I need to make my own choices. Friendship with him would not be good for me at the moment so that is what I have chosen. That was a tough decision (because underneath I was wanting to be friends for the sake of my adult children) and yet having made the decision, I feel empowered and at one with myself.

    I LOVE Maya Angelou’s writing – all of it. I had not heard the quote “Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option”. That is the message behind my decision as well.
    Thanks for this post. It always makes me feel better to know there are others who understand these dilemmas.

    • Elizabeth, thank you not only for your comforting words, but for sharing your own experiences with having to close the door to the relationship with your ex-husband. I am sorry that you, too, are going through this, and it is my sincerest hope that a new door opens for both of us in due time. It sounds like we made our respective decisions for all the right reasons, and it is nice to know that you understand. This person has been my go to person and best friend, but it was not a healthy relationship for me. I love this person, but I have to love myself enough even more. I don’t want to be anyone’s option ever again, and I keep telling myself that there is a grander plan for my life and to trust that everything will be work out for the best.

      I am so appreciative to know that you are with me in spirit, as I am with you, and we will keep moving forward, one day at a time. I am proud of you, Elizabeth, and I look forward to better days for both of us!

      • Elizabeth, you are so sweet-thank you! It has been a busy and productive week, and shockingly, I am doing really well:) I continue to let go and am hanging on, and I am determined to be happy. It’s a daily process, but I am making progress.

        I haven’t felt like writing this week, but stay tuned, I know that the writer’s block will pass, and when it does, I will have something to say:) Enjoy your Friday to the fullest!

  4. Wise words from you and Maya. Thanks, Kristi Jo!

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