One of my greatest gifts is my ability to love and accept most people unconditionally, perhaps because it is what I have sought from others for as long as I can remember. This great gift of mine, though, is also my greatest weakness, as I too often give people who repeatedly hurt me easy access to my heart and mind. I have done this time and time again, each time hoping, praying, and wishing that something, anything, would be different. Of course, it never is, and I pay a high price for believing the lies of another and the ones I tell myself, all in the name of love and friendship. It is neither, though; it is the antithesis of both.
I have had the opportunity to learn this lesson yet one more time, thanks to a significant relationship in my life, and this morning, I find myself dealing with the aftermath of ending that relationship once and for all. This person has entered and exited my life at will for a long time, for I have allowed that revolving door to remain firmly in place, hoping that one day it would remain open and that all that I offered to this person would be reciprocated. That didn’t happen. That won’t happen. Ever. So, I closed the door.
It was the right thing to do, but this is one of those times when doing the right thing hurts immensely. I have known for a very long time who this person is and what this person is capable of, but I chose not to believe what I saw, heard, and felt. I now believe my own eyes, ears, and intuition, and I am reconfiguring the spaces in my head and my heart where this person has resided. This is easier said than done, but it simply must be done. My health and well-being, my very life actually, depend on it.
As I was looking for the above quote by Maya Angelou, I stumbled across a number of quotes that I found so fitting for my life at the moment. They are like instructions for how to take the next steps toward opening a new door, while keeping my back to the newly closed one.
Knowing and doing can be two different things, and I need to make them work together. I do know better, and now, I can and will do better. One step at a time. One day at a time.
It is good to have options in life, but you need to make yourself a priority in your own life. I may still love this person, but I love myself more and need to put myself first, rather than settling for being last.
I have become a living definition of insanity by doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Today, I reclaim my sanity and a new way of living and being.
I am big-hearted, and while I definitely am protecting my big heart and allowing it to heal, someday, I will be brave enough to love someone. With any luck, I will be loved right back.
I hope that I always make people feel loved, accepted, respected, and valued, and I will seek out people who make me feel the same way in return.
This is my mission, and I will do whatever it takes to accomplish it. I’ve got this!
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story