My usual peaceful start to a quiet Sunday was shattered upon waking from a vivid nightmare that seemed all too real, in part because some of it wasn’t solely from my imagination. No, some of the nightmare contained the harsh rehashing of actual events that I have experienced during my waking hours. As I emerged from the nightmare, intense feelings of grief and fear washed over me, and it felt so real that I instinctively reached for my phone to reach out to my trusted support system. Before I could dial the numbers of those who have rescued me from myself and others in the past, I came to the realization that what had happened had occurred in the recesses of my mind, not in actuality. While I felt a sense of relief, the residual painful feelings remained. They linger still.
As I make my way through this otherwise tranquil and beautiful day, I continue to process what took place while I slept. I am not an expert at dream analysis at all, but I do believe that dreams, and nightmares alike, offer messages or lessons that can be applied while fully awake. As I recounted as many of the details as I could from the nightmare, slowly the meaning of it began to reveal itself.
The nightmare centered around a cherished relationship that careened to a devastating end. I was left mired in grief, while the other person had moved on before our relationship had concluded. There were countless words left unspoken and just as many questions left unanswered, and it has haunted me. While I have accepted that I cannot have closure with someone whose mind and heart are closed off to me, and as I continue to heal and move forward, it would seem that this nightmare served as a vehicle for me to express some of the feelings and words that I will never share with this person. In the nightmare, I left no stone unturned and was faced with the ugly truth that had been carefully presented to me as a pretty lie, one which I willingly accepted, even when my intuition and those who truly love me implored me to see the truth of the matter. What I wasn’t able to do when in the eye of the storm, I was able to do in the form of this nightmare.
Earlier today, I took a drive down my beloved River Road and allowed the warmth of the sun, the sound of music, and my bittersweet tears quiet my restless mind and soothe my heart and baby soul. It may have felt real and unleashed some very real emotions, but it thankfully was just an illusion. The nightmare is over for me now, even if some of the unsettling feelings that it triggered remain a bit longer, and I am refocused on the business of making my dreams come true. I am wide awake at last.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story