Photo Credit: Pinterest
This morning, I attended the funeral for my friend’s twenty year old son, Tyler, who died in a house fire on Halloween. I have yet to get used to attending the funerals for the parents of my friends, much less their children. Parents are not supposed to outlive their children, but they do. Young adults who have the world at their feet are not supposed to die, but they do. Now, I am left wondering what to think and what to do.
There were many tears shed today. For my beautiful friend and her family whose entire lives changed in an instant. For her son who lost his life at such a young age. For all those whose lives he impacted who now feel the void that his death has left. For myself, as I felt utterly helpless and lost.
This young man’s life has ignited a firestorm of emotion in my heart and a whirlwind of thoughts in my mind. At first, I tried to make sense of it, but that proved to be futile. Then, I tried to wax philosophically about life and death, but a philosopher I am not. Finally, I found myself clinging to the words that the pastor spoke at the end of the eulogy. As the service concluded, the pastor encouraged the mourners to honor Tyler by living life as Tyler had, “Enjoy your life!” Such a very simple statement, but it is anything but simplistic.
Tyler’s death was another harsh reminder that life is a gift, not a guarantee, and that it is to be lived and enjoyed as fully as possible every single day, not squirreled away for “some day”. Some day may never come. Too often, we live as if we have unlimited time. We don’t. We live as if we and the people we love will live forever. We won’t, and they won’t. We live as though we can delay our hopes and dreams indefinitely. We can’t, well, we can, but we shouldn’t.
So, what does it mean to “enjoy your life”? I don’t know actually. Motivational exhortations, like “seize the day”, “live like you are dying”, “just do it”, and so on, always left me feeling like somewhat of an underachiever in my own life. I thought that unless I was doing something on a grand scale, then I wasn’t living life worthy of the aforementioned quotes. So, I saw my life on a small-scale and downsized my dreams and ambitions along the way. Then, my perspective changed.
Three years ago, my life imploded under the weight of depression and anxiety, and I felt like part of me was lost. As I began to rebuild, and, in some ways, rediscover my life, I came to understand what “enjoy your life” means to me. It is the balance of finding ways to nurture my mind, heart, and spirit on a regular basis, while attending to my personal and professional responsibilities and commitments, yet never losing sight of, and taking steps toward, my dreams. While I have gotten better with this delicate balancing act, it is one that I need to focus on with greater energy. Tyler’s love of people and life and his sudden death have made that focus razor-sharp.
These last few days have left me absolutely numb, but in memory of Tyler and in honor of his mother and my friend, Dina, I vow to enjoy my life each and every day and to be grateful for the opportunity to do so. I hope you will, too.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story
That's Another Story 
My deepest sympathy. Your post is deeply touching. Having your child die is a parent’s worst nightmare. A 30 year old son of 2 of my friends took his own life last summer and i see how much their lives have been broken,My heart goes out to all parents who have lost a child.
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Thank you so very much! I wasn’t sure that this post came out well, so, I am glad that you thought that it did. I am so sorry for your friends’ loss, and I, too, grieve for any parent who has lost a child. It truly is the worst loss.
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That quote at the top of this post (brilliantly written piece too) is just perfect!
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Abbie, thanks so much! I am very glad that you liked both of them.
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Reblogged this on Ta hendene til din kjære – se på dem og hold dem hardt Disse hendene skal du følge, leie og lede. Du skal få føle på varmen fra dem og kjenne en inderlig glede. De skal stryke deg og de skal holde rundt deg – de er ikke skapt for å såre i vrede For du skal ikke alene mer vandre. De skal klemme og kose og aldri klandre De skal skjerme deg for det du ikke selv ser. De skal elske og aldri forakte – bare hjelpe når du ber. Disse hendene skal jobbe for at dere skal få det godt De skal gi – og du skal takke for det du har fått. De skal tvinnes sammen i kjærlighet og være ømme og gode og et tegn på inderlighet Hendene du holder er sterke og unge De skal gjennom mye for din skyld når dagene er tunge De skal stryke og klemme og være gode og fromme De skal ruske i ditt hår og takke når dagen er omme Disse hendene skal følge deg gjennom livet. De skal holde fast ved deg og verne om samlivet De skal være hos deg når alle andre har gått De skal aldri slippe men holde fast og tørke tårer når du har grått. Hendene skal bære din ring med rette Den skal skinne og for alle berette Jeg elsker deg! – kan den bekjenne Det er bare en som har maken til denne En dag er hendene blitt ru og grå Hver fure og rynke forteller om livet som bak dere lå Dere kan minnes den dagen i dag – da et livslangt bånd Ble knyttet Og fra denne dag dere gikk Hånd i hånd..
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You are so gracious to share this, and I so appreciate your support!
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Min glede vakre💞💐
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Such a sweet and sad post at the same time. Here’s to Tyler’s beautiful life, though too short. you are correct when you say that it puts a great deal of things in perspective. I am still struggling with my depression and anxiety but I will think of Tyler when I wake each morning and remember that life is so fleeting. Blessing to his family and the many who loved him.
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Sheila, I am so sorry that the depression and anxiety are challenging you, and just know that I am here for you and understand. Just take it one step at a time, and ask for help along the way. You can do this!
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The death of a child is truly a reminder of how fleeting our time here on earth can be. One of the hardest things to do is learning how to live your life following the death of a child. Having lost a child in a car accident, my heart goes out to the parents. It’s not an easy walk…
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I am so very sorry for the loss of your child. You and my friend, Dina, are in my thoughts, as you both continue this long and challenging walk.
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As a pastor I’ve had to bury a number of children, no harder thing on earth to do!
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It truly is the greatest loss of all, and my heart goes out to my friend and all those who have lost a child.
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May Lord give courage to everyone to recover from such situations. Loved reading it 🙂
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Thank you so very much!
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