It seems almost too clichéd for a divorced woman who is single on Valentine’s Day to write a post about it, but I hope that you will indulge me. Let me begin by saying that whether in or out of a relationship, I never have liked Valentine’s Day, which is why I was surprised how immensely sad I have felt on this day of commercialized love and affection. These feelings moved in almost as soon as I opened my eyes, and as the day comes to an end, they remain.
It started innocently enough. I checked social media, as I sipped a cup of hot tea, and I immediately found myself bombarded with pictures of floral arrangements, stuffed animals, heart-shaped pancakes, jewelry, and every other imaginable materialization of one’s love and affection. The pictures were topped only by proclamations of what seemed like everyone on the planet having the best spouse, best girlfriend/boyfriend, best surprise gift, and basically the best Valentine’s Day in history. While I always am happy for my friends and family, and I am a big fan of love in all of its forms, I suddenly felt myself feeling blue in the midst of all of the red.
As I felt big tears pool in my eyes and shamefully roll down my red-hot cheeks, I tried to focus on the many positive things in my life and told myself that this didn’t matter. The problem was, and is, it did matter. It does matter. A lot. It is difficult to share this, for fear that I either will come across as being bitter or desperate. I am neither.
When I read people’s descriptions of being “the luckiest girl in the world”, “so blessed”, and other variations of these superlatives to express how their own Valentine made them feel and how amazing their relationship is, I began to question what my single status says about me. Am I not lucky? Am I not blessed? Of course, I believe that I am both, and I genuinely love myself and enjoy my own company. I even have the ringing endorsement from the guy who broke up with me who assured me that I was “amazing” and that “it’s not you, it’s me”. Did I mention he broke up with me via text?! I digress, and I would be lying if I said that I would not mind having a Valentine of my own.
I am a self-sufficient, big-hearted person who gives a lot of myself to those around me, but on a day like today, I found myself feeling silly and guilty for wanting to be the recipient, rather than the giver, of some validation, attention, and affection from someone special. Making that admission or confession feels like I am betraying myself or letting down my single sisters everywhere, but I hope I can be forgiven.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story