There’s a storm brewing. Actually, there are two storms brewing. One storm is predicted to bring a couple of inches of rain and gusting winds to our area later tonight. The other storm is the internal one that is beginning to form in my heart and mind.
Storms, both external and internal, can be scary and cause a great deal of damage. They also can be beautiful and exhilarating. As a storm approaches, there is an electricity in the air that is palpable, and there is an anticipation about what the storm will bring. Those have been the pervasive feelings that I have been grappling with today.
As I continue on my quest to live intentionally each day, I have devoted greater attention to how I am feeling in the moment. At times, I allow myself to become paralyzed by my emotions. Other times, I allow myself to be led by my emotions, with mixed results. As the day wore on, I could feel the internal storm clouds gathering, and I decided not to allow myself to be overwhelmed by the unsettling feelings. Instead, I chose to face the storm head on and come out on the other side better than when I entered it.
As I examined the underlying feelings that set this storm in motion, it didn’t take me long to figure out the source. I kept coming back to the goals and dreams that mean the most to me, the ones that I have yet to realize, but that are so vivid that they already feel real. As I thought about them, I felt both excited by the mere prospect of them coming true and frustrated that they have yet to materialize. I also threw in a sprinkling of fear and doubt about them becoming realities for good measure.
After I pinpointed what these feelings were and where they were coming from, I had to decide what, if any, action to take. Cue the fear and doubt for an encore. It is one thing to conjure up a dream, it is an entirely different matter to make that dream a reality. As I reviewed my progress, or lack thereof, and decided what steps I could take to move closer to these goals, I found myself in a familiar cycle of self-sabotage and self-doubt. For every action I thought of taking, I countered with a reason, or rather an excuse, of why I shouldn’t, couldn’t, and/or wouldn’t move ahead with my plans.
Eventually, I silenced my inner critic by imaging what my life would be like if I did not continue to pursue my dreams. When I thought of giving up on them, and essentially myself, the pain of quitting far outweighed the fear of failing. I still do not have all of the answers, and I have plenty of fears about having a life littered with unrealized dreams. I also have an innate desire to live the life of my dreams, and I am crazy enough to believe that I can. So, I will.
I took two steps toward my goals. I enrolled in a writing workshop, even though I am not what I would consider a “real” writer, but writing is my true passion. I have something to say, and I am exploring avenues to say it. That led me to rescheduling a meeting with a trusted, creative friend to flesh out an idea that I have for a new venture. I am not sure where these steps will take me, but they will take me further than quitting or remaining complacent will.
The external storm that was in the forecast is descending upon us, as I listen to the rain hitting my roof. As the storm outside begins, the internal one is blowing over gradually. Just in time to look for a rainbow . . .
Just one thing each day . . .
Categories: Just One Thing Each Day
I can truly relate to the idea of an internal storm Kristi Jo. I am fighting some turmoil of emotions myself. Here’s to recognizing the truly important things worth fighting for. Hope to see a rainbow soon as well . Hugs…
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Sheila, may we both weather the storm and come out of it better than we entered into it.