This morning, I was on the receiving end of some rather unexpected news. You’re fired! No, I did not find myself being dismissed from either my job or from The Apprentice. Instead, I found myself being summarily fired by my radiologist. After reviewing the notes from my recent oncology appointment and examining her own handiwork, my radiologist embraced me and proclaimed, You’re fired, and told me to have a celebratory glass of bourbon.
Ever since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I never know what to expect when I go to even the most seemingly routine appointments, for nothing has been routine for awhile. So, I was caught completely off-guard with today’s dismissal, and to be honest, I had, and still have, mixed emotions about it. I was being shown to the door of a club that I never wanted to be part of, but now, I am not quite sure what awaits me on the other side of the door.
My radiologist told me that I am being transferred to the Survivors’ Program, but I don’t know what that means exactly. I know that it means that I now will be introduced to yet another team of healthcare professionals who will shepherd me through this next phase. It means that I will have quarterly follow ups with my oncologist. It means that the fatigue will continue to subside. It means that the tell-tale signs of radiation will begin to fade. It means that I will continue taking Tamoxifen for the next 5 years. It means that my life is a new normal.
It also means that I am scared, as I feel as if my medical safety net has been pulled out from under me. It means that I fear that the club door will swing wide open and pull me back in, then, slam shut for good. It means that I take the emotional and physical scars from this club with me. It means that I cry both tears of joy and gratitude, along with tears of sorrow and guilt that I am not exiting this club with the people I love so much who remain in this stupid club. It means that I won this battle with cancer, and I really hope it means that I won the war.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story