I am mathematically challenged. That is an undisputable fact. Part of the reason I chose to pursue a profession in the glamorous world of social work may or may not have been because of the lack of math requirements. Numbers and I just don’t mix, except when it comes to one arena. Remembering dates.
Yes, akin to a carny who can guess someone’s weight or age with uncanny accuracy, I have a freakish ability to remember dates, both significant and insignificant. Birthdays. Anniversaries. Milestones. Deadlines. Due dates. I usually can recall such dates easily, regardless of how long ago the event may have occurred. I cannot solve most math problems to save my life, but ask me when a grade school friend’s birthday is, and I am all over it, even if it has been decades since I have wished this person a happy birthday personally.
So, I was a bit surprised to find myself caught off-guard by a reminder from WordPress that 4 years ago today, I began this blog. I have been so preoccupied with today being Father’s Day that this little anniversary of sorts almost became a moment lost in time. Once it was brought to my attention, I found myself lost in thought, as I recalled some of the events that have transpired since June 19, 2012.
I remember feeling both abject terror and giddy excitement the first time I hit the publish button to launch my blog. I never worried about having something to say, for I always have something to say. Always! I was apprehensive about what to say, how to say it, and who would read it, but I got over my concerns, got out of my own way, and got busy writing. Four years later, I am still writing, and for whatever reason, some people are still reading what I blog. I am grateful for both.
I had no idea what to expect when I returned to my love of writing and then took it a step further by deciding to share it in a public forum. It seemed somewhat counterintuitive to do so, as I write, first and foremost, for myself, but I also yearned to connect with others in a meaningful way and to tell my stories. It has been, and continues to be, albeit to a lesser extent, a way for me to heal myself, and it also has been a humbling experience when others relate to what I write. Despite being fairly outgoing, I felt isolated and alone on a variety of levels, so, to hear a chorus of Me, toos was surreal. It still is.
This four-year period has felt like being on an emotional and physical pendulum. I began the blog on the heels of what was the worst year of my life, not knowing that 2015 would steal that title from 2011 without question, thanks to the unprecedented number of deaths and illnesses of dear family and friends and my own diagnosis of breast cancer. So, today’s trip down memory lane feels a bit like tiptoeing through an emotional minefield. Some memories light up my mind with sweet memories that make me smile big time, while others cloud my thoughts and bring tears to my eyes. That’s life. My life. And it’s a life that I have shared glimpses of through my writing, for better, for worse, and everything in between.
As I both look back and look forward, I marvel at how much has simultaneously stayed the same and changed. I have not run out of things to say, and I continue to explore ways to say what’s on my mind, in my heart, and happening in my little dog and pony show. I recently began to write a series of personal essays about some topics I have intimate knowledge of, and experience with, such as infertility, depression and anxiety, breast cancer, divorce, and a host of other subjects that in and of themselves are not necessarily positive or remotely funny, yet I found the dark humor in them while I found my way out of them. I may never get a book published, but I will write a book, at least that’s my intention. I also am toying with ideas for about expanding this blog or creating a new blog. I am on creativity overload and not sure what to do with all of these ideas, but I know that I need to do something with them.
So, here we are four years later and nowhere close to being finished. Thank you for taking the time to read my words, to share your feedback, and to remind me that I am definitely not alone in my experiences. I am looking forward to what this next year will bring, and one thing is for sure, it will bring a variety of stories for me to tell. So, get ready, because I am.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story