Yesterday, almost immediately upon waking up, I was greeted by a welcoming committee of subtle, yet strong, feelings that were not welcome at all, yet there they were. Normally, I am able to identify both my feelings and the causes of said feelings, but not this time. No; this time was different. These unidentified feelings followed me through my day, like a dark cloud hanging over my head, ready to open up and release a downpour of emotions at any moment. And I felt like I had ventured outside without an umbrella. It wasn’t a good day.
I went about the business of the day, but at times, the feelings were difficult to ignore. So, I acknowledged them, analyzed them, and tried to guess their identity and cause. I failed, and I was frustrated. What were these feelings, and what did they want with me? I wasn’t sure, but I was sure of one thing. I didn’t like them, and I wanted them to go away. Now. But they didn’t.
When my work day ended, my work around my house began, starting with yard work. Under overcast skies and this cloud of feelings, I started up the lawn mower and entered a sort of meditative frame of mind that occurs when I work outdoors or trail run. In this Zen like state, a very clear, concise, and definitive thought made it its presence known. I feel unsettled! While that does not sound very Zen at all, strangely enough, it was. For as soon I named and acknowledged the feeling, I felt a sense of calmness and clarity that had eluded me.
As I let that thought sink in, I reviewed the various ways my life feels unsettled. As I became more comfortable with feeling unsettled, I felt an unlikely alliance being formed. At first, I was a bit perplexed by this fresh perspective. Where was the anxiety? Where was the depression? Where was the overall feeling of discontent? Was I settling for being unsettled?
Suddenly, and inexplicably, the same feelings that had plagued me all day were now the ones that felt energizing and empowering. I generally equate feeling unsettled with either being stuck or with failing, but this time, I likened it to being an opportunity to move forward and succeed. So, I made the choice to allow feeling unsettled to motivate me, not derail me. To make any other choice would be settling, and I would rather feel unsettled than to settle ever again. Today was a much better day, and I have a feeling that tomorrow will be, too. Feeling unsettled feels pretty good.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story