I always have thought of myself as both a doer and a dreamer, as I usually can be found checking items off of an endless list of things to do and conjuring up limitless dreams. Lately, I have been exploring a new venture, and I now find myself having to decide if it is feasible to pursue and something I truly want to pursue. When my oldest daughter asked me how a meeting about said venture had gone, I found myself immediately launching into the reasons why it may not be something worth pursuing, instead of how well it actually went.
I concluded by dejectedly saying, “I don’t know if I can do this or not.” My daughter listened thoughtfully, before saying with the utmost sincerity, “At least you tried, Mom.” Her words stopped me in tracks, yet motivated me to move forward, even if it may be in a different direction.
The pessimistic optimist/optimistic pessimist in me spoke from a place of fear, both internally and externally. I don’t know what I am doing. What if I fail? What if I cannot figure out what else to do, if I abandon this idea? What if this is really all there is in life?
This is another example of how I sometimes focus so much on the outcome that I don’t enjoy the moment or give myself credit where credit is due. I put a great deal of pressure on myself to figure things out, to the detriment of allowing myself time to gather information, to learn, and to dream some more. There is so much noise in my head, as I over think and analyze certain opportunities, that it drowns out the intuitive voice of my heart.
My daughters, on the other hand, know better. They dream without reservations and limitations, and they have perfected the balance of simultaneously working toward a goal and allowing the process to unfold in due time. I respect them for that, and they have taught me that I need to respect myself enough to keep dreaming and to keep doing.
So, that’s what I will do, or at least, that’s what I will try to do. Sometimes, trying is the first step, not the last one. And sometimes, simply trying is good enough.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story