I am definitely a dreamer, and I also am very much a doer. It’s a good combination. Well, at least it is when I strike a balance between them. When I fail to do so, these two sides of me end up at war with one another. Recently, they seemed to have reached a truce.
I was raised with a strong work ethic, and when I conjure up a dream, I set out to make it a reality. I know that goals and dreams begin in my heart and mind, and if I don’t take precise actions to reach them, that’s exactly where they will end. This sounds completely logical, right? It’s not always true, though.
I have come to learn that sometimes the next best step for me to take when working toward something is not to do anything at all. This is so counterintuitive to how I normally operate, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary. I allow my desire for control and my fear of the unknown get in the way of my progress, creating a veritable standstill. When I come to this uncomfortable place, I convince myself that I need to do more and be more, and I force the issue until I reach my breaking point. This approach has never worked, and it never will. So, why do I resort to it?
Part of it may be chalked up to the insanity of doing the same thing and expecting different results, and the other part of it may be attributed to a lack of patience and/or faith on my part. Theoretically, I know that letting go and allowing life to unfold will take me to where I am meant to be, which usually is even better than what I dreamed of in the first place, but I always want to know definitively, without a doubt, absolutely, positively, no room for error that my dream will come true. Of course, there are very few, if any, absolutes or guarantees in life, and it is this lack of trust that God or the universe has my best interests at heart that put me back on the hamster wheel of anxiety and self-doubt. Until now.
Normally, I would not even dare to share this, for fear of jinxing it, but nothing is as it once was. At least, it doesn’t feel like it. I am not sure what it is, but I am not questioning it or challenging it. And that sort of sums up how I got to this unfamiliar, yet welcome, place where things are humming right along.
I continue to set intentions each day and work toward the end result, but finally, FINALLY, I do what I can, then, I just allow the rest to unfold. At its own pace. In its own time. In whatever form it appears. It may not sound like much, but for me, it is.
It’s funny, because letting go of the vise grip I have had on my dreams actually has helped me to move forward. I feel more in control having given up control, which I never really had to begin with, but I convinced myself that I did. I had fears of falling back into a quicksand of complacency or losing sight of the end result altogether. But that didn’t happen. And I am not worried about whether it will happen or not, as I am just enjoying this moment.
Just one thing each day . . .
Categories: Just One Thing Each Day