There are a variety of words I would use to define who I am. Some of the hats that I wear, include mother, daughter, sister, ex-wife, friend, and employee, and some of the adjectives I use to describe myself include funny, hard-working, loyal, and friendly. Tonight, I added a new word to the list. Hypocrite.
I am a hypocrite, or at least, I did something that was hypocritical. I have an affinity for quotes, and every day, I share quotes on my blog’s Facebook page. Sometimes, I post something that I need to read for myself, and other times, I post something to motivate or encourage someone else. Words are powerful, but they lose all power when they remain merely words on a screen, instead of words turned into action. It is easy to post something, and it is far harder to live by those words.
Shortly after I shared a quote about helping others, instead of judging or criticizing them, I sent a text that earned me the new moniker of hypocrite. In that text, I shared my less than glowing opinion of someone in a judgmental and mean-spirited way, with no thought about the beautiful quote that had resonated with me only a short time before I sent that fateful text. It is easier to tear someone down without them knowing it than it is to either build them up or remain respectfully silent/ In this case, I definitely, and regretfully, chose what was easy, instead of what was right.
It was bad enough that I did this, but what made it worse is that I did not even realize what I had done until the recipient of the text pointed out how my words were in direct contrast to the quote I shared on Facebook. At first, I felt myself go into a defensive mode. I rationalized that this person has hurt so many people over the years, so, my criticism and judgment was justified. I wanted to be right, but I knew that I was wrong.
As I reread both the text I sent and the response I received, I felt my cheeks burning with embarrassment and shame, as tears welled in my eyes. I like to think of myself as a kind and genuine person, but my actions were anything but kind or genuine. To have this brought to my attention by someone whose opinion I value made it even worse. In this case, the truth definitely hurt.
What began as an insignificant text has led to an evening of self-reflection that I hope will lead to a positive change. This may be one time when someone called me out on my behavior, but I know that there are plenty of other examples when my words, actions, and beliefs did not always mesh. I am not proud of that at all.
I cannot take back those words, but I can learn from them. I am a hypocrite, and I am sorry.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story