Life is a series of beginnings and endings, with people being a living example of this concept. We are born. We die. As we make our way from birth to death, we give witness to, and experience, beginnings and endings of all sorts, both our own and those of others.
In our early years, beginnings seem to be in endless supply. Births. Making new friends. Launching careers. Marriage. Buying a new home. As the years progress, the endings become more prominent. Deaths. Downsizing. Retirement. Divorce.
I am no stranger to beginnings and endings, but yet, sometimes, this inevitable part of life still throws me for a loop. I find myself either wanting to rewind and start over from the beginning or fast forward through the ending. Whether perceived as positive or negative, the transition can be difficult to navigate. Sometimes, it is tough to distinguish where and when something begins and ends, and other times, the distinction is clear. Recently, I experienced both.
Selling our home of thirteen years and buying a new home put me squarely in the midst of another distinct transition. Moving out of my current home is financially necessary, and I feel like I have failed as a provider to my daughters. This is not merely a house; it is our home. Leaving home is tough, but at the same time, I am grateful that the buying and selling process was so easy and that this new home will meet our needs. I also am focusing on the fresh start that this move will afford me. When one door closes, another one opens. Literally.
Within minutes of selling our home, I was faced with another one of those life can change quickly moments. Since I do so well handling endings and good-byes, I was given yet one more opportunity to flaunt my mad coping skills. Life can be a cheeky bastard indeed.
This latest transition involves a shift in a significant relationship in my life that feels like another ending. I say it feels like another ending, because I am not quite sure how to define it. I know what it is on the surface, but there is more to it than that. There always is.
What I do know is that it is another transition for me to handle. So far, I am coping with varying degrees of success, depending on the day or, even, the moment. I alternate between feelings of grief and hope, confusion and clarity, and calmness and anxiety, all of which are components of beginnings and endings, I suppose. I am still trying to wrap my head around what happened and protect my big heart, which is all I can do right now.
That’s another story . . .
Categories: That's Another Story